Changing

Since I've discovered I think better when writing, I'm going to start using this more. I've decided to give this weight-loss thing a try again. So I started Weight-Watchers online. I need to hold myself accountable, and they have some nice tools, recipe lists, trackers, etc. that will help me. Plus, I'm an internet junkie. Add in the apps for my phone and tablet, and WW is pretty much perfect for me.

So I started tracking and weighing myself yesterday. I never expected this to be fun, but I went into it with a positive attitude, and decided that it was something worth doing.

Yesterday was hard. It was the first day I had really made an effort to watch what I was eating. Had a good breakfast, good lunch, and a snack in between. Drank so much water I felt like I was preggo again with the trips to the bathroom every hour. I thought I was doing good. I even came in under my points allotment, which I know isn't good, but still suprised me nonetheless.

What I didn't count on was the nagging headache, the jitteriness, the irritability, and the general crap feeling that started around 10am and lasted until I went to bed. Apparently, I neglected to realize that I am not only addicted to food, but to caffeine as well. No surprise, but what a smack in the face! I went from 3-4 cups of coffee and (usually) an energy drink and sodas each day to one cup of coffee in the morning, and water throughout. Ugh...not fun.

Found myself thinking about throwing in the towel more than once, then got frustrated with myself for even thinking about giving up already. I know my body is detoxing. I know this is a long process, and as my dad told me, a slow jog not a sprint. Still, patience has never been a virtue I've possessed. I do feed off encouragement and praise, and strive to make my family proud. Here's hoping that the need for encouragement and pride outweighs everything else.

More importantly though, my children, my husband, and I need me to be healthier. So that's more than enough reason to push through.

It's hard to admit that I've very overweight. To get to where I want to be, I have to lose about 90lbs. But I've done this to myself, and I have to hold myself accountable. Each day at work I see people who are morbidly obese, and I mean 500lbs+. I don't want to end up there. My knees hurt, my back hurts, and I have no energy. I'm depriving my kids of the mother they deserve, the one who doesn't get winded running around outside with them, the one who models good eating behaviors for them, and who is going to be around for the long haul. So I have to do this. For them, for Ben, for my family, but most importantly, for me.

On to day two...